Ryan Menezes is an editor and interviewer here at Cracked. John Lund/Drew Kelly/Blend Images/Getty Images 'So. Instead of all of this pretense of a 'massage,' she could be straight with the clients - and do it on an actual bed. She was also, at one point, an independent escort, and that went great. Some were in sucky retail places that paid minimum wage, and while she sure missed the money, she liked them all better than her time at the parlor. She got her happy ending in the form of a string of different jobs. Not too long after that, on New Year's Eve (after clearing $1,000 in a single night), Amy decided she'd had enough and left for good. He ended up leaving without anything happening, but Amy was terrified. He closed the door behind him, turned off the light, and fastened the lock with the two of them inside. Amy had set up camp for the night in the laundry room (the towels may be jizz-soaked, but they're still fluffy, dammit), and the guy walked into it past the Employees Only sign. Gary Ombler/Dorling Kindersley RF/Getty Images You know it's a shit situation when getting thrown into a fucking wall was the 'good' outcome. She was thrown against the wall for her trouble, but she got them to leave in the end. Amy, outside, could hear them getting aggressive, so she entered the room and intervened.

The parlor normally never even assigns one woman to multiple clients ( 'but they can ask for a two girls / one guy thing'), and Amy turned them down, so they went to another masseuse, this one an immigrant. One time, three guys stormed in together at 5 a.m., demanding to share one woman. The parlor's open 24/7 to the public, which wants to fuck you, and that's not the safest position to be in. 'It's really hard to be sexy when you get prodded awake.' 'It was terrible to fall asleep with the light on and waking up with a client staring at you sleeping,' she says. Remember how parlors have no beds? Yeah, Amy would sleep on the table and be awoken for sex without warning. But when you're a masseuse, you get all of the pain of a brothel without the protection of a pimp. If the creepiness stayed on the Internet, it would be bearable. Reviews aren't customers' only outlet for expressing dissatisfaction, as this post explains:Īmy 'I'm standing up for the little guy, and there's no littler guy than my penis.'

Keith Brofsky/Photodisc/Getty Images Literally playing hooky. Clients always want to hear a nice story about yourself so they can feel like they are doing a good deed.' Of course, if a client happened to pop in during school hours, student Kim would still be right there in the parlor instead of the classroom, so she had to trust no one could put two and two together.

I would be a naughty girl saving up for my education. She simply pretended to be 'European.' Not belonging to any country in particular just European in general. 'It's possibly the one place where being white is a disadvantage,' she says. Asians are very popular, since an Asian masseuse is a familiar stereotype. 'They basically were looking for something exotic, something different,' says Amy. For instance, clients always want women who are foreign or from far away, since that's what a masseuse is in their minds.

There are other, less strenuous ways to cater to client fantasies.

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